Tuesday, 9 December 2008
Santa for Students
"I'm a student - I bought a festive tree, some tinsel, and some tesco value bang crackers, cause I'm a maverick, ironikal jester, sending out confruntaeshionul, poshwhiteboyrappingtodrdre, 'LOL' vibes straight into the face of the spirit of Christmas, while secretly praying for a flabby wodge of wonga from granny. I'm completely independent now, ok, and totally not going home when term is over to sponge off mumz and dad for a month on a holiday that I totally don't deserve, seeing that I've spent my time mastering the art of auto fellatio, ghazzlahn pound beers and trying to explore alternative realities by smoking ganjar and staring inside my flatmates hairy arsehole...Instead of lyk, reading and wutnut"
Sunday, 23 November 2008
Saturday, 22 November 2008
"Where will YOU be when stuff blows up?"
I've just seen the new BBC news advert, and it has forced me to open up my brain again, remember my blog password, and spank out a wordy vent, in an attempt to pacify my churned up stomach, twisted into a pointy hate knife, due to this horrible piece of marketing.
The advert mixes shots of peaceful domesticity, with coverage of big media events; a smiling housewife places an empty oven dish by the sink, as she is confronted by the cheery sight of the tsunami, her chirpy smirk replaced with one of abject horror. Thanks BBC, you ruined my dinner party!
I suppose the BBC is attempting to express the power and authority of their news coverage, but all the advert does is sum up both the exaggerated theatre of rolling news, and the disproportionate fear that this kind of reportage engenders. The whole enterprise turns shocking events such as the tsunami, also featured in the advert, into a bombastic melodrama, played out incessantly and pointlessly.
Congratulations to the BBC news marketing team, for celebrating aimless, pervading, 24/7 news coverage. The final shot of the advert is of a man in a forest, IN THE FUTURE, staring in gob smacked awe at some horror that lurks in wait, possibly the long awaited sequel to 9/11. Anyway, all we need to know, is that the BBC are down with this tech shit, and with us all the way, and the advert asks, "Where will you be?" Unfortunately, this statement doesn't manage to posit the BBC as some sort of unifying, pivotal force, as the ad makers intended, but tells us two things. It hammers home the absurdity of constant news access, (couldn't forest man have found out the news when he got home from his walk?), but also, boldly confesses that the success and strength of BBC news hinges on it's coverage of the next load of humans to explode or get stabbed. Although, as we have recently learnt, if lacking in any decent terrorism, or dead, innocent, British, white holiday-maker related stories, a bawdy phone call will keep this great institution's head above water.
Long live BBC news.
The advert mixes shots of peaceful domesticity, with coverage of big media events; a smiling housewife places an empty oven dish by the sink, as she is confronted by the cheery sight of the tsunami, her chirpy smirk replaced with one of abject horror. Thanks BBC, you ruined my dinner party!
I suppose the BBC is attempting to express the power and authority of their news coverage, but all the advert does is sum up both the exaggerated theatre of rolling news, and the disproportionate fear that this kind of reportage engenders. The whole enterprise turns shocking events such as the tsunami, also featured in the advert, into a bombastic melodrama, played out incessantly and pointlessly.
Congratulations to the BBC news marketing team, for celebrating aimless, pervading, 24/7 news coverage. The final shot of the advert is of a man in a forest, IN THE FUTURE, staring in gob smacked awe at some horror that lurks in wait, possibly the long awaited sequel to 9/11. Anyway, all we need to know, is that the BBC are down with this tech shit, and with us all the way, and the advert asks, "Where will you be?" Unfortunately, this statement doesn't manage to posit the BBC as some sort of unifying, pivotal force, as the ad makers intended, but tells us two things. It hammers home the absurdity of constant news access, (couldn't forest man have found out the news when he got home from his walk?), but also, boldly confesses that the success and strength of BBC news hinges on it's coverage of the next load of humans to explode or get stabbed. Although, as we have recently learnt, if lacking in any decent terrorism, or dead, innocent, British, white holiday-maker related stories, a bawdy phone call will keep this great institution's head above water.
Long live BBC news.
Friday, 18 July 2008
spending too much money?
well i srssly suggest sepdin less or srrsly consdr gettin a betta 1
more soon! I've been away on two holidays and I'm scratching back a living doing killings.
more soon! I've been away on two holidays and I'm scratching back a living doing killings.
Wednesday, 14 May 2008
like i slap fishes..
urgh, i got a new job so i can't do this thing anymore. I have to look up stuff online all day so I can't really do anything except play gta iv. It is an ok game.
Good things:
- it is easier to kill people cause you can use cover
- it is in New York
- good music
- killings
Bad things:
- the missions are, for the most part, boring. drive here, do a killing. repeat.
- you have to take your 'friends' out for drinks. This is boring for obvious reasons.
- no animals
In the next gta I want this:
1) the ability to buy wild animals and keep them in your private zoo. also used for assassin missions, like leaving cobras in peoples beds and stuff. I'd also like to release a lion into times square. i don't understand the fascination people have with blowing things up in games. Hiding a bear in someones toilet, and then watching them get eaten is much more awesome.
2) CHECKPOINTS
I got the new health album and i like it. I got an old silver jews album, and it is awesome. I should have found them before.
maybe i will be able to write like a grown up when i have finished work proper. and been to barcelona. and drunk lots of absinthe. i need my soul back, rguhg.rgrg.
Good things:
- it is easier to kill people cause you can use cover
- it is in New York
- good music
- killings
Bad things:
- the missions are, for the most part, boring. drive here, do a killing. repeat.
- you have to take your 'friends' out for drinks. This is boring for obvious reasons.
- no animals
In the next gta I want this:
1) the ability to buy wild animals and keep them in your private zoo. also used for assassin missions, like leaving cobras in peoples beds and stuff. I'd also like to release a lion into times square. i don't understand the fascination people have with blowing things up in games. Hiding a bear in someones toilet, and then watching them get eaten is much more awesome.
2) CHECKPOINTS
I got the new health album and i like it. I got an old silver jews album, and it is awesome. I should have found them before.
maybe i will be able to write like a grown up when i have finished work proper. and been to barcelona. and drunk lots of absinthe. i need my soul back, rguhg.rgrg.
Monday, 21 April 2008
Metal Gear Online
I have just spent ALL FREAKIN' NIGHT, trying to play metal gear online. I woke up and the massive update needed to fire up the game had downloaded, so I was feeling good, but then I read that the servers have been shut down for a few days. I really hate konami at the moment. I know it is a beta test but..but..C'MON!! MAKE IT WORK!
Although to be honest, I suck at online games. I'm too nervous, and get regularly "P3WNED" cause i'm a "NOOB." I also hate getting shouted at by 10 year old kids. It really dents my confidence. One kid called me a "useless honky," which I think could be a racial slur, and I couldn't get out of bed for two days. It tore me apart.
The only thing I can do is mario kart. YEAH, NOOBS, ETC.
Although to be honest, I suck at online games. I'm too nervous, and get regularly "P3WNED" cause i'm a "NOOB." I also hate getting shouted at by 10 year old kids. It really dents my confidence. One kid called me a "useless honky," which I think could be a racial slur, and I couldn't get out of bed for two days. It tore me apart.
The only thing I can do is mario kart. YEAH, NOOBS, ETC.
Wednesday, 16 April 2008
Sunday, 6 April 2008
Monday, 3 March 2008
study bill, notice the idiocy
I just got a bill for our phone line. I recently developed an addiction to the talking clock, and have only just realised that this is quite a costly habit. I have totalled five whole pounds of call charges. I have called it on average about twice a day for the last month. I think I am over it though.
Thursday, 17 January 2008
the rude girl story
urgh. I stood in a line for about 5 hours yesterday to try and get into that tiny radiohead gig. I got there early enough, and would have got in, but loads of people pushed in round the corner, so I waited for nothing. I was totally over it, but then I just read some girls pathetic justification for pushing in at the front on a musical website, and it really, really. really really pissed me off...
I only got there at 6pm and managed to wrangle my way in with a combination of two friends at the front of the queue and some extremely heavy flirting with the bouncers. I would feel bad but seeing as it was one of the best nights I can remember of my short life I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. (I'm so tired of trying to justify myself for doing this, if anyone had the opportunity to see their favourite band in an extremely intimate venue, a once in a lifetime type thing I refuse point blank to believe they would pass up that opportunity because it might upset someone else. You have to be selfish sometimes when it comes to stuff you love.)
Yeah, well I did pass up that opportunity, so believe it sister. My friends were at the front of the queue, but I'm not an idiot, so I waited in line. This was obviously the schmuck thing to do, as you know, if you really love something, you have to be an asshole.
I only got there at 6pm and managed to wrangle my way in with a combination of two friends at the front of the queue and some extremely heavy flirting with the bouncers. I would feel bad but seeing as it was one of the best nights I can remember of my short life I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. (I'm so tired of trying to justify myself for doing this, if anyone had the opportunity to see their favourite band in an extremely intimate venue, a once in a lifetime type thing I refuse point blank to believe they would pass up that opportunity because it might upset someone else. You have to be selfish sometimes when it comes to stuff you love.)
Yeah, well I did pass up that opportunity, so believe it sister. My friends were at the front of the queue, but I'm not an idiot, so I waited in line. This was obviously the schmuck thing to do, as you know, if you really love something, you have to be an asshole.
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