Wednesday 11 March 2009
Tuesday 10 March 2009
Monday 9 March 2009
Sunday 8 March 2009
oh man, food reviews - part tew
Sunday night - For some, it is the end of the week. Correct: listen to my wry applause for a few moments, but in less than an hour, it will be tomorrow. . . .
I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm afraid I start philosophising when I'm thinking about food, and this weekend has been totally rammed with explosive dining experiences. I made a short (long, hot, disgusting) trip to Leamington spa to visit Cotty.
Take my hand, board the trawler;
Appetiser, 6/3/09 - 17:32 -
Pitchers - The shot glass of the giant. Super cheap red bull, orange juice, all the spirits + a pint of lambrini. Cotty told me this was a great drink, that all the great guys bought all the time, and i can definitely not see why the hell they would do that. This drink is the opposite of really delicious - orange juice filtered through some guys sock with a lingering aftertaste of...you know when you throw up, and then brush your teeth, and you can still make out the vomit - like that - the idea of vomit. Consistency thick, yet fizzy, like sparkling water mixed with milk and cornflour. OK, fine, soda streamed semen. I give it a 2/10 - It did get my drunk on, after all.
Dinner, 6/3/09 - 19:32 -
Curry, the food from India, changed in Britain, now spicy and wet. The millennium balti - We're entering a new kind of India, from the future. I was hoping the staff would be dressed in aluminium costumes. Hoping, right. No chance, suits and surly face.
The beer is a pound a pint, and the food...oh yeah, the food sucks.
Garlic naan allegedly - I dispute this - It was covered in bright yellow pieces of 'thing,' that i think was supposed to fill in for the the garlic, but garlic is not yellow, OK? The only way I can imagine this might have happened. The chef did a massive line of lemon rind, and sneezed all over some guys Frisbee. It was a free gift, not naan.
Lamb madras - Five pieces of lamb. Count them all. Those bastards saw me coming, twenty years ago, in a crystal ball made of crystal. Totally on the money too, those cheeky twats, cause i only realised how freaking measly the portion was five hours later. Millennium balti, i admire your entrepreneurial spirit in these cash strapped times, but I'm going to burn your fucking restaurant down, you bunch of terrible cunts. The sauce was alright - I've had better, but next time I want to drink my dinner, I'll go the balti juice bar, ALRIGHT? I give it a 3/10. The sauce that is - Millennium balti, you get the first ever 0/10. Suck it.
More to follow...MORE....
(Knowledge factory moment of the day - Frisbee has to be capitalised. Why?)
I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm afraid I start philosophising when I'm thinking about food, and this weekend has been totally rammed with explosive dining experiences. I made a short (long, hot, disgusting) trip to Leamington spa to visit Cotty.
Take my hand, board the trawler;
Appetiser, 6/3/09 - 17:32 -
Pitchers - The shot glass of the giant. Super cheap red bull, orange juice, all the spirits + a pint of lambrini. Cotty told me this was a great drink, that all the great guys bought all the time, and i can definitely not see why the hell they would do that. This drink is the opposite of really delicious - orange juice filtered through some guys sock with a lingering aftertaste of...you know when you throw up, and then brush your teeth, and you can still make out the vomit - like that - the idea of vomit. Consistency thick, yet fizzy, like sparkling water mixed with milk and cornflour. OK, fine, soda streamed semen. I give it a 2/10 - It did get my drunk on, after all.
Dinner, 6/3/09 - 19:32 -
Curry, the food from India, changed in Britain, now spicy and wet. The millennium balti - We're entering a new kind of India, from the future. I was hoping the staff would be dressed in aluminium costumes. Hoping, right. No chance, suits and surly face.
The beer is a pound a pint, and the food...oh yeah, the food sucks.
Garlic naan allegedly - I dispute this - It was covered in bright yellow pieces of 'thing,' that i think was supposed to fill in for the the garlic, but garlic is not yellow, OK? The only way I can imagine this might have happened. The chef did a massive line of lemon rind, and sneezed all over some guys Frisbee. It was a free gift, not naan.
Lamb madras - Five pieces of lamb. Count them all. Those bastards saw me coming, twenty years ago, in a crystal ball made of crystal. Totally on the money too, those cheeky twats, cause i only realised how freaking measly the portion was five hours later. Millennium balti, i admire your entrepreneurial spirit in these cash strapped times, but I'm going to burn your fucking restaurant down, you bunch of terrible cunts. The sauce was alright - I've had better, but next time I want to drink my dinner, I'll go the balti juice bar, ALRIGHT? I give it a 3/10. The sauce that is - Millennium balti, you get the first ever 0/10. Suck it.
More to follow...MORE....
(Knowledge factory moment of the day - Frisbee has to be capitalised. Why?)
Thursday 5 March 2009
Oh man, food reviews
THE KFC BOXMASTER:
I ate this recently. I couldn't tell you what it is. It's not a wrap, like the picture suggests, nor is it a burrito. It's firm, like a toy brick (r they even real?), and highly unstable, like a work experience kids first big mac. The bbq sauce is really tart, like an old plum, and the outer blanket far too leathery. The overall effect is like pouring the insides of a burger into a boiled shoe, and taking some bites. I give it a 5/10.
Oh, and the really creepy thing is that it is the spitting image of GRANDMA FROM THE DINOSAURS!
I ate this recently. I couldn't tell you what it is. It's not a wrap, like the picture suggests, nor is it a burrito. It's firm, like a toy brick (r they even real?), and highly unstable, like a work experience kids first big mac. The bbq sauce is really tart, like an old plum, and the outer blanket far too leathery. The overall effect is like pouring the insides of a burger into a boiled shoe, and taking some bites. I give it a 5/10.
Oh, and the really creepy thing is that it is the spitting image of GRANDMA FROM THE DINOSAURS!
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