oh man, food reviews - part tew

Sunday night - For some, it is the end of the week. Correct: listen to my wry applause for a few moments, but in less than an hour, it will be tomorrow. . . .

I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm afraid I start philosophising when I'm thinking about food, and this weekend has been totally rammed with explosive dining experiences. I made a short (long, hot, disgusting) trip to Leamington spa to visit Cotty.

Take my hand, board the trawler;

Appetiser, 6/3/09 - 17:32 -




Pitchers - The shot glass of the giant. Super cheap red bull, orange juice, all the spirits + a pint of lambrini. Cotty told me this was a great drink, that all the great guys bought all the time, and i can definitely not see why the hell they would do that. This drink is the opposite of really delicious - orange juice filtered through some guys sock with a lingering aftertaste of...you know when you throw up, and then brush your teeth, and you can still make out the vomit - like that - the idea of vomit. Consistency thick, yet fizzy, like sparkling water mixed with milk and cornflour. OK, fine, soda streamed semen. I give it a 2/10 - It did get my drunk on, after all.


Dinner, 6/3/09 - 19:32 -

Curry, the food from India, changed in Britain, now spicy and wet. The millennium balti - We're entering a new kind of India, from the future. I was hoping the staff would be dressed in aluminium costumes. Hoping, right. No chance, suits and surly face.

The beer is a pound a pint, and the food...oh yeah, the food sucks.


Garlic naan allegedly - I dispute this - It was covered in bright yellow pieces of 'thing,' that i think was supposed to fill in for the the garlic, but garlic is not yellow, OK? The only way I can imagine this might have happened. The chef did a massive line of lemon rind, and sneezed all over some guys Frisbee. It was a free gift, not naan.



Lamb madras - Five pieces of lamb. Count them all. Those bastards saw me coming, twenty years ago, in a crystal ball made of crystal. Totally on the money too, those cheeky twats, cause i only realised how freaking measly the portion was five hours later. Millennium balti, i admire your entrepreneurial spirit in these cash strapped times, but I'm going to burn your fucking restaurant down, you bunch of terrible cunts. The sauce was alright - I've had better, but next time I want to drink my dinner, I'll go the balti juice bar, ALRIGHT? I give it a 3/10. The sauce that is - Millennium balti, you get the first ever 0/10. Suck it.





More to follow...MORE....


(Knowledge factory moment of the day - Frisbee has to be capitalised. Why?)