Dear Readers,
I love you and I love free chicken.
There is a website called just eat, and it is where I fatten myself up regularly, because it contains details and menus of all the nearest grease merchants that I occasionally require to sate my drunken/hungover stomach. I hope you enjoy it.
Apparently the sterling endorsement was not enough promotion for just-eat. They want at least 250 words, in text speak free English in order that I might get hold of some free dinner. I don't stand for this kind of veiled criticism, so I'm going to include a poem:
going on the internet.
bought some dvds
bought shoe,
got 500 googly eyes,
and an old man's crutches.
all that typing in credit card numbers,
made me hungry.
so i typed in the website of just eat.
and then the food came,
because i ordered it
from just eat.
i am not hungry anymore
because i ordered food,
from just eat
Back tomorrow on fire with all my stories from LA.
http://www.just-eat.co.uk
Friday, 1 May 2009
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
My name is Kriss Akabusi, yes with a k and TWO esses!!
When the builders were in, I thought their hammering was a big monster (my dad) coming up the stairs!!
Monday, 6 April 2009
I'm Gok Wan, and while Blake is on holiday, I'm taking the BULL by the HORNS, and hopefully giving you PLENTY of stuff to think about!!The second hand market is currently ELECTRIC thanks to the great leaps of technology such as the internet, ebay, and other great sites. Second hand is OUT of the stinky old car boot and into the FUTURE, and has it ever been more exciting? That said, there are some things that NOBODY would want to buy pre-owned. There are LOADS of obvious examples; foot spas, bath robes and empty kia ora cartons, but why bore you with that? I KNOW you guys aren't that thick!!! What I'm going to bring to your attention in the next couple of blogs are things that might SEEM ok to buy second hand but are actually ICKY and NOT WORTH THE DISCOUNT!!! BUYER BEWARE!!!
NUMBER ONE!!
BATHROOM SCALES!!
bathroom scales? But Gok, they're pricey, and it's just someone else's feet!!! Think again reader! These scales hide a mountain of guilt and self loathing that NO quantity of antibacterial wipes could EVER hope to get rid of!!!
But what does that mean to me, Gok? That's just voodoo talk!
WRONG AGAIN!
It's a known fact that people who use second hand scales are more likely to get depressed, and let's face it, when was the last time you ate a slice of american style cheesecake? It was when you were sad. Worth the risk?
AVOID!!
Saturday, 4 April 2009
Things you didn’t know about vegans – Part 1
i am currently on holiday until the 24th of april so i have handed the reigns of this blog over to bo yin ra, a german mystic,;- wish me luck
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My name is Bo Yin Ra - Sharing with you some ideas, maybe you can share alongside?
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I don’t want to start this list with a SHOCK, but MOST VEGANS HAVE KNOWN SOMETHING THAT WAS ALIVE THAT IS NOW DEAD – LIKE A PET OR A FATHER. This is probably obvious to most people of course, because it is only when an encounter of the living flesh lost to the mud of the ground can the consumption of flesh and other related articles seem a form thus alien to the mouth. This grief forms a key link in the chain that forms together what is commonly known as the ring of sadness, and the consumption desire of resurrection – A vegan will enter the stages of grief much like another but the final stage is found to be one of intense hope that by eating the body weight of the lost LOVING ATTACHMENT – one can bring back this once loved specimen to LIFE ONCE MORE – this is the common belief of RESURRECTION THROUGH CONSUMPTION OF BODY WEIGHT OF THE LOSS IN VEGETABLES AND FRUIT – the grieving vegan will often build a replica of the body lost to the ground out of vegetables and fruit, with a turnip or cabbage standing in for the area the head would have occupied were it a being imbibed with life blood. This is sad, because it is untrue.
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My name is Bo Yin Ra - Sharing with you some ideas, maybe you can share alongside?---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don’t want to start this list with a SHOCK, but MOST VEGANS HAVE KNOWN SOMETHING THAT WAS ALIVE THAT IS NOW DEAD – LIKE A PET OR A FATHER. This is probably obvious to most people of course, because it is only when an encounter of the living flesh lost to the mud of the ground can the consumption of flesh and other related articles seem a form thus alien to the mouth. This grief forms a key link in the chain that forms together what is commonly known as the ring of sadness, and the consumption desire of resurrection – A vegan will enter the stages of grief much like another but the final stage is found to be one of intense hope that by eating the body weight of the lost LOVING ATTACHMENT – one can bring back this once loved specimen to LIFE ONCE MORE – this is the common belief of RESURRECTION THROUGH CONSUMPTION OF BODY WEIGHT OF THE LOSS IN VEGETABLES AND FRUIT – the grieving vegan will often build a replica of the body lost to the ground out of vegetables and fruit, with a turnip or cabbage standing in for the area the head would have occupied were it a being imbibed with life blood. This is sad, because it is untrue.
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Wednesday, 11 March 2009
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
Monday, 9 March 2009
Sunday, 8 March 2009
oh man, food reviews - part tew
Sunday night - For some, it is the end of the week. Correct: listen to my wry applause for a few moments, but in less than an hour, it will be tomorrow. . . .
I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm afraid I start philosophising when I'm thinking about food, and this weekend has been totally rammed with explosive dining experiences. I made a short (long, hot, disgusting) trip to Leamington spa to visit Cotty.
Take my hand, board the trawler;
Appetiser, 6/3/09 - 17:32 -
Pitchers - The shot glass of the giant. Super cheap red bull, orange juice, all the spirits + a pint of lambrini. Cotty told me this was a great drink, that all the great guys bought all the time, and i can definitely not see why the hell they would do that. This drink is the opposite of really delicious - orange juice filtered through some guys sock with a lingering aftertaste of...you know when you throw up, and then brush your teeth, and you can still make out the vomit - like that - the idea of vomit. Consistency thick, yet fizzy, like sparkling water mixed with milk and cornflour. OK, fine, soda streamed semen. I give it a 2/10 - It did get my drunk on, after all.
Dinner, 6/3/09 - 19:32 -
Curry, the food from India, changed in Britain, now spicy and wet. The millennium balti - We're entering a new kind of India, from the future. I was hoping the staff would be dressed in aluminium costumes. Hoping, right. No chance, suits and surly face.
The beer is a pound a pint, and the food...oh yeah, the food sucks.
Garlic naan allegedly - I dispute this - It was covered in bright yellow pieces of 'thing,' that i think was supposed to fill in for the the garlic, but garlic is not yellow, OK? The only way I can imagine this might have happened. The chef did a massive line of lemon rind, and sneezed all over some guys Frisbee. It was a free gift, not naan.
Lamb madras - Five pieces of lamb. Count them all. Those bastards saw me coming, twenty years ago, in a crystal ball made of crystal. Totally on the money too, those cheeky twats, cause i only realised how freaking measly the portion was five hours later. Millennium balti, i admire your entrepreneurial spirit in these cash strapped times, but I'm going to burn your fucking restaurant down, you bunch of terrible cunts. The sauce was alright - I've had better, but next time I want to drink my dinner, I'll go the balti juice bar, ALRIGHT? I give it a 3/10. The sauce that is - Millennium balti, you get the first ever 0/10. Suck it.
More to follow...MORE....
(Knowledge factory moment of the day - Frisbee has to be capitalised. Why?)
I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm afraid I start philosophising when I'm thinking about food, and this weekend has been totally rammed with explosive dining experiences. I made a short (long, hot, disgusting) trip to Leamington spa to visit Cotty.
Take my hand, board the trawler;
Appetiser, 6/3/09 - 17:32 -
Pitchers - The shot glass of the giant. Super cheap red bull, orange juice, all the spirits + a pint of lambrini. Cotty told me this was a great drink, that all the great guys bought all the time, and i can definitely not see why the hell they would do that. This drink is the opposite of really delicious - orange juice filtered through some guys sock with a lingering aftertaste of...you know when you throw up, and then brush your teeth, and you can still make out the vomit - like that - the idea of vomit. Consistency thick, yet fizzy, like sparkling water mixed with milk and cornflour. OK, fine, soda streamed semen. I give it a 2/10 - It did get my drunk on, after all.
Dinner, 6/3/09 - 19:32 -
Curry, the food from India, changed in Britain, now spicy and wet. The millennium balti - We're entering a new kind of India, from the future. I was hoping the staff would be dressed in aluminium costumes. Hoping, right. No chance, suits and surly face.
The beer is a pound a pint, and the food...oh yeah, the food sucks.
Garlic naan allegedly - I dispute this - It was covered in bright yellow pieces of 'thing,' that i think was supposed to fill in for the the garlic, but garlic is not yellow, OK? The only way I can imagine this might have happened. The chef did a massive line of lemon rind, and sneezed all over some guys Frisbee. It was a free gift, not naan.
Lamb madras - Five pieces of lamb. Count them all. Those bastards saw me coming, twenty years ago, in a crystal ball made of crystal. Totally on the money too, those cheeky twats, cause i only realised how freaking measly the portion was five hours later. Millennium balti, i admire your entrepreneurial spirit in these cash strapped times, but I'm going to burn your fucking restaurant down, you bunch of terrible cunts. The sauce was alright - I've had better, but next time I want to drink my dinner, I'll go the balti juice bar, ALRIGHT? I give it a 3/10. The sauce that is - Millennium balti, you get the first ever 0/10. Suck it.
More to follow...MORE....
(Knowledge factory moment of the day - Frisbee has to be capitalised. Why?)
Thursday, 5 March 2009
Oh man, food reviews
THE KFC BOXMASTER:
I ate this recently. I couldn't tell you what it is. It's not a wrap, like the picture suggests, nor is it a burrito. It's firm, like a toy brick (r they even real?), and highly unstable, like a work experience kids first big mac. The bbq sauce is really tart, like an old plum, and the outer blanket far too leathery. The overall effect is like pouring the insides of a burger into a boiled shoe, and taking some bites. I give it a 5/10.
Oh, and the really creepy thing is that it is the spitting image of GRANDMA FROM THE DINOSAURS!
I ate this recently. I couldn't tell you what it is. It's not a wrap, like the picture suggests, nor is it a burrito. It's firm, like a toy brick (r they even real?), and highly unstable, like a work experience kids first big mac. The bbq sauce is really tart, like an old plum, and the outer blanket far too leathery. The overall effect is like pouring the insides of a burger into a boiled shoe, and taking some bites. I give it a 5/10.
Oh, and the really creepy thing is that it is the spitting image of GRANDMA FROM THE DINOSAURS!
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